Life Lessons from a Nurse: Health, Gratitude, and the Legacy We Leave

I had an enlightening afternoon with my aunt over a cup of coffee. We always used to say that a meeting was a plan but after all the months of teasing around it, I finally sat with her yesterday, one on one. She's in her early 70s, a retired nurse, a widow and her lineage is thriving despite raising them alone after her unpredictable bereavement cutting her marriage short. 

Initially, I thought I was going to do a lot of the talking in that meeting. I thought it was one of those moments where I could ask for advice from a mother figure, something I desperately needed since my mother's demise last year. My aunt was there throughout my mother's illness, all the way to the morning the doctor called the time of death. Just the fact that she was present in my life in such crucial moments made that much of a difference in coping with the loss. She's always had a nurturing quality, possibly because of her nursing background. It's something I saw a lot when she and my mother were interacting in the last years of my mother's life. Auntie always had some advice about nutrition and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but my mother's death was inevitable when we were overtaken by events. 

What ended up happening was that I learned enough facts about her in that sitting, for me to go silent, just taking in the events unfolding in the life of this senior citizen. Taking in a new perspective. At her age, so much sickness surrounds her, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, she seems very congruent. She has aged gracefully, courtesy of a disciplined and active lifestyle that has given her fulfillment in her senior years, at least from what I can see as I faced her across the table. Yes, she does look much younger than her age. As the old saying goes, black don't crack. It wouldn't be a lie to add that good genes didn't play a role in her transition into late adulthood. 

It made me look at health and wellbeing differently having conversed with her. She mentioned so many young people who had the hardship of terminal illnesses befall them. Yet for some reason, despite her age, many would associate the elderly with sickness rather than realising that health and sickness doesn't really have much to do with age upon careful thought and consideration. I work at a mortuary for a living as a counsellor for the bereaved famillies. Young people die everyday. As a matter of fact that life expectancy in third world countries is dismal compared to first world nations with superior healthcare systems, giving the elderly a privileged life extension, earning them the nickname coffin dodgers. It's also important to note the accidents that cause death aside from health complications as well. But the main focus of this blog entry is the subject of health, death and dying. 

So I asked her a few questions for some advice. I wanted to know any advice or insights she might be willing to impart to me. We got to the subject of age and let me paraphrase what she told me for context:

"You know, people tend to look at age as if it's a bad thing. Age is not a sickness. It's just a matter of knowing yourself and accepting the circumstances around it's implications on your body. You don't need to take medicine if you maintain the right nutritional diet. The right nutrition can treat any ailments and get rid of them altogether. My grandmother was a strong woman despite her physique. She never used to cook with oil. They had their own way of processing gee, and that is what they used to cook their meals. And they never got sick, and they were never fat. They used to eat leafy greens and people tend to shy away from them because of their bitter taste, but that is what has immense benefit for the body. I don't know what has happened to us today in regards to our nutrition but a lot of us are dying now as compared to our ancestors."

That really made me pause for a moment to let her sentiments sink in. At that moment, I realised something new. There are so many deaths that can be prevented based on the way we are raised to see health and wellbeing from a young age. How our upbringing, our caregivers approached wellness affects us so much as we age. It determines our level of discipline with our self care, which goes a long way in avoiding lifestyle diseases and mental disorders, despite having any genetic predisposition to illness. Even in a situation of any diagnosis, which is a mathematical probability despite the precautions we take, discipline and consistency goes a long way in extending our life cycle. All we have to do is work a way around knowing our brains, our minds and our bodies. Then maintain a lifestyle that is conducive for our wellness, to the best of our ability, despite the constraints of our external realities. 

I've been pondering the idea of becoming a vegan. The thought has really teased me for a while, and when I was 19, I tried it out for a few months, and I immediately noticed the difference. I think I've overindulged in meat products long enough for my body to simply wane interest in it altogether. The body naturally inclines and benefits from consuming leafy greens, and this is something I've given into a lot as the years have gone by. It's changed my relationship with vegetables completely, in a very positive way, to the extent that I'm now the one persuading my folks to be more intentional about eating leafy greens if at all they want to maintain their meat on the plate, and I have never looked back. It's a personal decision I have made for myself and I take it seriously because my mind and body has needed this change for a while, so I'm learning to accept this as an important transition in my life. I'm very well aware of the debate between veganism and carnism, but that's a decision I leave to you to make because you know yourself best, and you know the kind of steps you want to take for your health and nutrution.

Take some time to appreciate if at all you are healthy and have all your bodily functions intact, with no defeciencies. It's the majority to a certain degree, therefore the majority to take it for granted and see it as something being entitled to, but it's not actually guaranteed. Because it literally could have been anyone else who was healthy and you could have taken their place in ailments and constant suffering. So the fact that you're okay, that's the first reason to have gratitude. You never know how fortunes change. 

If you are suffering from an ailment affecting your mental, physical health and maybe mortality, this still goes for you. You're in a unique situation where you see life differently from the majority and it can still be a good thing with some perspective. Firstly, every day you push through is a gain. Maybe you have lived longer than your doctor's predictions. Maybe you achieved academically, and professionally despite your diagnosis. You are very well aware that life is not a right entitled to humans but rather a blessing that holds you accountable for your actions and what you give out to the world and people around you. You're only physically constrained, but that doesn't stop you from creating and leaving a lasting impact in people's lives and the world around you with the wisdom you gain with your personal experiences which could be a life changing lesson to someone who needed it. And the fact that it was you who gave this lesson makes your life that much purposeful and valuable. 

We are immortal in the minds of those who love us. We live everyday for the first and last time. Let's make the most of every passing second. Despite our future plans and past experiences, let's be present in the moment and use that to empower ourselves, then enrich the lives of the people around us. We can do this in any way, all it takes is reflection, an idea, creativity and the right course of action. Some may have a massive and recognisable impact. Others have a subtle impact but perpetuates through time, even though not necessarily directly associated with that individual. Therefore, we shouldn't consider impact with the angle of gaining fame, popularity or recognition. It's the impact itself that's more important than the recognition of the source of the impact. 

I can confidently declare that my auntie has indeed lived a rich, fulfilling life and created her purpose that she will be remembered for by many for years to come.