SECRETS (A Short Story)

There’s nothing as intimidating as sitting across a therapist in the middle of a session. A lot

of vulnerability comes with self-disclosure, as it is very natural to fear other people’s

judgement. And humans can’t stop being judgemental, even though it’s unpleasant

for those on the receiving end. As far as society is concerned, judgment is morally

unacceptable as it undermines human dignity. Many religious doctrines address it

negatively, that it should be discouraged and frowned upon. But it is not the first time

humans have created laws they cannot abide by. The oxymoron that is the human condition.

More to the point, Africans have always feared the unknown. Counselling was such a

foreign concept to them, but trained therapists would try to apply it within the African

context. Kenya’s first counsellors had a lot of challenges explaining their relevance to

society. It got better with time, though… enough to inspire Terry to study psychology. In

high school, she could be found devouring insightful psychology articles while everyone was

enjoying recess. She wondered what the difference was between the mind and the brain. The

better part of her gap year was spent perusing through journals on the hard problem of

consciousness. Full of curiosity and being the hopeful achiever that she was, she enrolled on

psychology at a top private university. Unlike high school, lecturers were nonchalant about

the lack of exertion of some students. If they were paying good money for the program, yet

they were wasting it with leisurely pursuits, they would get paid for conveying the

knowledge anyway.

Terry took advantage of the opportunity education accorded her. When she was enrolling,

she applied for a scholarship and it was granted. She met some interesting classmates along

the way. Some attended because their parents were funding them, while others were paying

their way through school for the love of knowledge.

Challenges with hard units such as neuropsychology couldn’t deter her, except lacking her

mother’s approval. Terry’s younger sister Ivy being a doctor made it tricky. To their parents,

saving lives seemed more interesting, and more important than talking about thoughts and

feelings. Their father wasn’t actively involved in their education apart from paying tuition.

He was simply happy to have smart twins. Terry always felt like her salary and job

description couldn’t match the reputation of her sister being a cardiologist. She dreaded the

subtlety behind the backhanded compliments in family gatherings. Who would care that

Terry had a PhD if Ivy was the real doctor?

Being a counsellor at the Nairobi Institution of Psychological Research, wasn’t bad. It

afforded her a decent salary, her own vehicle, and an apartment uptown. Luckily, the hours

were flexible, so she had enough time for social calls and romance. Terry loved brunch at Art

Cafe with the girls on Sundays. She wouldn’t mind a little intoxication at a bar where a

mature cohort would gravitate towards, avoiding campus students. And as much as it was a

routine, Terry found satisfaction in her career. There were a lot of unique clients she

encountered along the way. She had a gentle approach that made people find a safe space in

their vulnerability. She was conscious of the importance of her appearance, always neat and

fashionable. She and Ivy got matching locks when they were teens much to their mother's

disappointment. Terry wore her locks. It complemented some of her outfits. Being short-sighted added to the impression of seriousness and professionalism. She gave the

impression of outer beauty and inner depth. As a wounded healer, she found fulfilment in

accompanying distressed people through their journey and guiding them with the use of

her soft skills.

A few clients would try turning the tables unsuccessfully. It took them some time to

understand why they needed the support. Some would take fewer sessions, while others

needed several to unpack. While clients healed through her support, she was also learning

about her surroundings and human behaviour. Terry’s focus was on young adults because

they fascinated her. One case changed her career and personal life. Caleb was definitely

overwhelmed with racing thoughts and emotional instability in his first few sessions. He

just discovered his parents’ unconventional union sired him. For Caleb, it wasn’t religion’s

values of love and marriage because he had a secular worldview. All he knew growing up

was that his father had friends he would kiss and so did his mother.

But when he was younger, his parents’ partners were simply introduced to him as friends or

business partners. With time, he caught on, and they had the talk. They assured him they would

always love each other. He needed time to understand this arrangement. And so, he was

motivated to enrol for psychology. Personal therapy was mandatory, so he exploited it on a

weekly basis. Hard as it was to share, when he adjusted his attitude, he finally got catharsis.

He was grateful to choose Terry as his therapist because not everyone would understand his

background. Caleb’s girlfriend was the only other person who would know the much he was

willing to share. He met her during freshers’ week, two years ago. Yes, they had their talk,

and the arrangement was similar. Caleb was a man of few words, but he could feign being a

social introvert when it was necessary. He was popular in the university, and many approached

him to convince him that being a student leader wasn’t far-fetched. Needless to say, Terry was

intrigued and looked forward to seeing this case through. She was trained to handle such

scenarios, but this was the first time she encountered a very real one.

Ivy’s busy schedule could only permit her to call her twin two or three weekends a month

when they were wide open to reconnect. A few light-hearted jokes about their jobs would

have them chuckling like little hyenas. They got over being competitive after their first year

of university, something Terry had to address in personal therapy. They were relatively close

and as kids, they would bail each other out of trouble. Ivy was just calling a lot lately because

she was stressed about dying patients. The hospital she was working in had scarce resources

and it was underfunded by the government. Many times she considered going private but

with her salary, she would have to work in more than one institution, to make ends meet.

Nairobi was becoming expensive, but with a few side hustles, she was able to comfortably

make rent. Ivy wanted to become stable enough to contemplate parenthood. She had been

married for five years. No complaints. Maybe because she was too naive to keep up with her

husband’s activities, but this was to her benefit.

“I swear T, if I have to face another family with bad news, I don’t know how I’m going to

enjoy the weekend. Tomorrow’s my day off,” sighed Ivy.

“What did I tell you? Circle of life,” responded Terry.

Unlike Ivy, Terry knew that decomposition was an inevitability. She believed humans were

dying every day. Although it was natural to believe the illusion of more time, Terry was well

aware she was approaching her expiration date. So, she made the most of her life, making

her own rules as she went along. Henry was a sure bet for her, but she wasn’t conventional.

According to their last discussion, a long-term commitment would be considered after a

decade of courtship. Her parents were both disappointed when Terry and Henry moved in

together. Her mother was a conservative Christian, but she was the one who prayed

between her and her father. Her father obliged to religious doctrine out of habit, it was only

mechanical for him from youth. As for Terry and Henry, they weren’t necessarily religious,

but they were spiritual. Terry would say she was agnostic whenever religious talk was at the

family get-togethers. They all knew Henry had been in her life for four years. Questions of

marriage from the aunties were a constant irritation for the couple. But Henry had a way

with words to manoeuvre sticky moments, thanks to his good salesmanship skills. Skills

that were great enough to make big sales of Range Rovers, Mercedes, Fords, and Jaguars

almost every week. He was motivated by good professional relations with colleagues, more

than the monetary gains. Their income was sufficient to accommodate a kid or two before

they would plan a formal wedding. An ongoing discussion.

Supervision for the counsellors was every two weeks. Terry had very elaborate notes and she

looked forward to such peer group sessions. She voiced her opinions whenever she thought

she had insight into the other cases. And she was happy to receive criticism and correction if

it improved her performance. Caleb was discussed anonymously as per the procedure. Such

contentious issues always had the others divided. Heather was a counsellor who preferred

to use a bit of religion in her work. She had never encountered an atheist client, but if she

did, she would probably be traumatised. Obviously, Jacques, another counsellor, would love

to ridicule Heather's methods. Their constant bickering had everyone’s heads tossing back

in some hearty laughter. Heather always made fun of the Frenchman’s goatee. Jacques

would ask her why she forgot to carry her crucifix and his nickname for her was Mother

Teresa. Then, in response to the case, he told them how things would be handled differently

if they went to France. The French were more sexually liberated. Heather would invoke a

bible verse or two. Wendy, the chair of the sessions, would have to break up the arguments,

to bring sanity to the forum. She also had the most experience handling such matters, but

Terry had to learn to handle challenging clients. That was supervision. A few cases here and

then with a back and forth between Heather and Jacque and a bit of counselling content

in between. Wendy’s small frame made her have a soft impression, but she had the kind of

temperament that would make her colleagues respect her sentiments. Her baby face shaved

years off her appearance. Her voice was feminine, but firm. They concluded they would need

some more information because Caleb and Terry had just started working together. The

golden rule was not to be judgemental and to have unconditional positive regard for all clients.

Caleb was no different.

“Right,” said Wendy as she glanced at her watch, “That marks the end of our meeting. Any

questions?”

Silence.

“Okay. See you all in two weeks, guys,” said Wendy with a smile.

They all dragged their chairs back. Wendy and Jacques shuffled out of the room together,

organising the exam week next month. They had to make them easy enough to pass but hard

enough to ensure the students were absorbing the course content. A delicate balance. Terry

would mark the papers and Heather would mark the students who were taking online

courses. They had time for a little chat over lunch break. It was always good to catch up even

in a personal capacity, to make sure things were good, both at work and home. Things were

not going very well between Heather and her significant other, Ian. Possibly because

thirteen years of marriage made everything rather stale. Familiarity breeds contempt. He

hadn’t touched her in two years, but she knew he had someone keeping him busy. Her

husband always had an insatiable appetite for twenty-year-olds. It was one of those things

where Heather feigned apathy yet she was burning with jealousy. The late-night phone calls

were what especially broke her heart. But it was a marriage. Her marriage. So, she was due

for personal therapy. Terry wanted to recommend a counsellor. She removed her phone, and

after a few taps, sent a contact to Heather’s. Heather was appreciative and Terry gestured

farewell, walking in the other direction towards the lifts. Her car was in the underground

parking lot.

Caleb went back and forth with Terry for long enough to prompt her to check the time on

her watch. It had been an hour and a half. Caleb admitted to trying to push for more time.

This particular session was even more engaging than the others. Caleb’s parents adopted a

son a few years ago. Austin was five years younger. It was his mother’s idea. She was always

working at the hotel for long hours because she was the branch manager. Her husband was

a pilot, so he was barely ever around because he took most of the international flights. The

air hostesses kept him preoccupied with a few steamy rendezvous here and there. Austin

spent most months in boarding school, which gave Caleb enough time to himself. When he

wasn’t home, he was at his girlfriend’s place. When he was home, he would be playing video

games or reading a book while rap music was playing lightly in the background. They never

disturbed Caleb when he was in his element. His mother was just grateful he was reading.

They had a scare when he delayed his speech but he picked up reading eventually and was

very receptive to his environment. Austin also knew, but would never ask about it, out of

respect and gratitude for having a family. His adopted father would spend on him as he

would his own son Caleb.

A trip came up a lot during the July and August period. Caleb’s father would pack his own

bags because he preferred the way he folded better than his wife.

“How long?” she would ask.

“I’ll be back in two weeks,” he replied.

“You know, Sydney, your son could really use some father-son time before he moves out of

this house. It would be nice to do something, so you can know what’s happening in his life.

Did you know he had a girlfriend?” she remarked.

Her arms were crossed as she leaned on the main door.

“Oh my God, mum!” exclaimed Caleb from the hallway, to which she lifted her arms

frantically.

Caleb’s father scooped his wife's waist and avoided a kiss because she hadn’t brushed her

teeth yet. He kissed her cheek and whispered, “Two weeks, Olivia. Have fun,” then he waved

at Caleb standing in the hallway near the kitchen.

Olivia had her silky maroon gown on. Lavington's cold in the morning was adaptable. They

had left breakfast halfway because he would’ve been late, so possibly the few sips of tea kept

her relatively warm.

As Sydney reversed the BMW, he backed up just enough to drive away, glancing at his wife

and son from the side mirror. When he was out of sight, Caleb went back into the kitchen,

picked a sandwich, and a bottle of orange juice that was still cold. He dipped the bottle in

his bag with his left hand. His strap was placed on his right shoulder. Chewing on his

chicken sandwich, he blew a goodbye kiss at his mum, still at the door.

“How does your parents’ unavailability make you feel?” asked Terry crossing her legs and

leaning into her grey chair. The room had a grey and white theme for the chairs and table.

Terry’s main office where she kept her laptop and files was in the next room. There was a

Quartz clock on the wall. Every room in the building had a clock. The school emphasised the

importance of timekeeping. Caleb had the habit of talking about what his parents and

Austin was doing this to avoid talking about his thoughts and feelings.

Immediately after her question, there was a fire drill. Security came door to door to file

people downstairs and out of the building. What happened? Someone was smoking on the

top floor, which triggered the sensors. The assembly took long to form and long to scatter

when they realised it was a false alarm.

Caleb’s session had been cut short without a formal summary or the next appointment date.

Terry searched for him in the crowd but the students and staff were too many and Terry was

of medium height. She turned around, and around, gave up, and made her way back to the

office. She packed her belongings and made her way downstairs to the underground

parking. It was another long day. Other clients could wait until tomorrow. The parking lot

was poorly lit, so she had to look deep into her bag for her car keys. She found them. The

battery on those keys died a long time ago, so she opened it manually and tucked herself

inside the vehicle. She stuck her key into the ignition and took a look around to see whether

it was safe to back up. That’s when she saw what appeared to be Caleb, in a corner, giving a

kiss… to Heather.