Why People Avoid You When You’re Struggling—And How to Change That

Imagine going through a period in your life where you're stuck in a rut, with nowhere to go, and no one to ask for help. Everywhere you go, nothing seems to work out the way you want. You may make plans to help yourself navigate through the stuckness, but at that point in time, just imagine that nothing seems to be coming to fruition. You have tried asking humans for help to no avail. Inevitably, you turn to prayer and worship, which is an understanding conclusion, because physical attempts and the attempts of other people's help turned fruitless. 

That's not the point I'm trying to make. Today, I want to talk about the topic of complaining. Most leppyhate complaining. Most people are irritated by those who complain excessively. I mean, maybe a little complaining is only natural when things don't seem to be going together as we desire. But depending on the level of tolerance of the person you're interacting with, they're bound to start getting wound up by your constant attitude of complaining over almost everything. 

Where did it come from? Why do people complain so much? Why do some people complain more than others? If you are that way, what is it about you that makes you complain so much that people eventually consciously or unconsciously start to avoid you? 

You may feel like something is wrong with you. At some point in that dark place, you found someone who wanted to listen to your problems because they could tell you weren't in high spirits. Unknown to them, you have a dark history. You've been through so much struggle that you could be considered to be carrying a lot of baggage. It may not necessarily be your fault. You have issues that are too heavy and not everyone can take that on as a case. It's just too much for other people to imagine that all those thoughts, feelings and memories are all bottled up inside of you. Everyone has their hardship in life. The reason you put people off with complaining is because you're among the people who articulate yourself when you know something's off and it doesn't sit right with you. You find it hard to keep tight-lipped when your situation is just doing your head in. 

You need to know who your friends and foes are. Not everyone listening to your issues has sincere intentions. Some people are revelling in watching you wallow in despair. They come to check just in case there's juicy gossip to pass on to the next person. I know, it's bad that such people exist. Some people were raised without moral decency and lack character. People who are intellectually deficient like to spread mischief through gossip because that's what keeps them busy in the absence of mental stimulation and common sense. Someone lacking the mental capacity to devote their intellectualism to more productive pursuits is bound to do that to you, frustratingly so. 

Some do initially care about you, but they get worn out by your constant chatter. They can't seem to keep up with what's eating you up from one moment to the next. There's only so much empathy/sympathy someone can extend before they bolt on you. 

The world doesn't seem to care. Humans are self-serving in many respects, and you have to learn to find ways to look after your self-interests. You can never really fully rely on another human being, as man is made to error. It's very common to feel betrayed by your neighbour in a time of need. What you need to learn is that you have to have a relationship with yourself. There is a good thing that can come from seeking therapeutic support. All the better for you to improve your self-worth and overall well-being. 

There's only so much a human being can do to save you. Even if you were helped by your fellow man, being limited and human, in one way or another, they are bound to become unreliable. They may very well be the ones to betray you. It's good to hold some people in positive regard to avoid living a hopeless life. But know at the back of your mind that when you see the red flags in a human being, go with your gut instead of waiting for the consequences of your ignorance. 

Take some time for self-reflection. That feeling you have to complain means that you need to learn to become more confident in yourself. Be confident in your strengths, accept your limitations, believe in your potential and maximise your competencies. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone else, especially when they're never with you on the same page. You're bound to walk this earth and interact with the kind of people with whom you're on the same wavelength. But remember that familiarity breeds contempt. 

Learn how to use words and understand language. Instead of excessively complaining, cultivate a spiritual life. You'll get a lot of nourishment through prayer and worship. Learn to speak well or keep silent. You can speak words of wisdom with just a few sentences. You can make profound statements without being excessive in speech. You shouldn't necessarily feel bad about complaining. You simply have something to say. 

Now that you have something to say, you need to understand that other people have things to say to contradict your opinions. In as much as you make observations, know that other people have eyes too. You're not blameless. When you have something to say or complain about it, think twice. Are you ready to have your thoughts, feelings and ideas challenged? If you have a burning desire brimming with ideas, capture that moment before conveying it elsewhere because that's the foundation of self-reflection and the cornerstone of self-knowledge. Is it valid? Is it useful? How can you apply it? Is it justifiably true? How sustainable is this line of thought? If you're noticing people avoid you, it's probably because some of those ideas have misguided you and they're not invested to put you to task because you're exhausting to keep up with. 

You need to learn that you're the only one who has your back. No one else will ever have your interests at heart the way you do. It's important to talk to others when struggling. But remember that not everyone is as willing to help or empathise. Those that do, have their limitations. They can only be useful to you to a certain extent. Focus on what is within your control. It's not always about where you're stuck. It's about the way you react to your challenges. That's what will determine a successful outcome or a failure. Take some time to carefully reflect and meditate on the next moves you can make. Take more time in reflective practice and concern yourself with your matters. Ignore other people and their shenanigans. People will always try projecting, but you can't afford to concern yourself with them or every argument or conflict. 

Learn all of these and you will find strength.