Unfiltered on Air, Silent in Therapy: The Kenyan Dilemma

I can remember the first time I entered my first therapy session as a client. I never really knew counselling, nor what to expect, but I remember feeling intimidated and anxious. But I knew I had to be in that room. I knew I had to start somewhere. I had all these thoughts and feelings inside me which in hindsight were not nearly as urgent as the years of therapy that followed when I met different counsellors along the way. 

I have been fascinated with psychology since adolescence. While other students were immersed in socialising, gossip and peer pressure, I found every opportunity to sit behind a computer screen researching any site I could see writing about any interesting psychological topic. As a layman, I never knew what to search for, but I wanted to know more. Whatever material I could access to teach me about the human mind, and my subjective reality, was a plus because by then, I knew knowledge was a major asset. Especially when successfully applied. 

Not everyone can be a counsellor. Not everyone can be knowledgeable in psychology despite being enthusiasts. But that appreciation for psychology counts for something important for the human condition and has its benefits. In as much as I was initially intimidated, anxious, and not knowing what to expect, I realised that the unpredictable outcome of therapy never had to be a bad thing. In the end, there was nothing to worry about at all. 

Kenyans have always had a challenge in the way they perceive therapy. No Kenyan is immune to daily struggles, some being quite complex as well. From complicated marital and family dynamics to career struggles in the light of an unforeseeable future, stress isn’t new to the common man. It’s no wonder radio stations, have taken to exploit the plight of societal issues in the manner of morning conversations. Because in the face of the media, scandal sells. Controversy sells and they’ve taken a leaf from the perfect rage-bait trolls online. 

Interestingly, listeners are more than willing to write posts about controversial topics online, and identify themselves in phone calls about these topics, but never seek therapy. The fact that someone’s ready to call in, means that there’s the likelihood their voice is distinguishable, but that doesn’t stop them from expressing themselves however way they please. I often wonder what are the consequences the callers face when they return to their partners after work, knowing the words exchanged in the morning, their distinguishable voices airing for the entire country, and possibly beyond borders for internet streaming. Is that the level at which passive aggression has reached for Kenyan couples? 

Why do Kenyans avoid therapy but willingly discuss personal issues on air? Therapy is something that happens in the confines of four walls. It’s never going anywhere outside that room and the counsellor or psychologist is bound by confidentiality for the protection of the therapist and the client. The therapist is highly trained in the area and can handle a diverse number of issues and clientele. Whatever is being discussed on air in these conversations can be easily explained by a therapist, at length, in personal therapy. 

Although the caller may feel a short-term relief from the conversation recorded on air, the consequences are irreversible. If say for example a man is bad-mouthing his marriage and his wife or girlfriends, regardless of whether he’s being passive-aggressive about it, and he is having this call on air, how many listeners will be affected? Among the listeners, there is a mathematical probability that there will be someone who knows that caller. If at all it was the wife or the girlfriend(s) listening, affected and reacting unpredictably, how can he put out that fire and handle the consequences? Certainly, there will be some long-term consequences and the damage will be irreversible by then. He could cause major rifts in his marriage which could affect his children if at all he said something particularly upsetting about his marriage, his children or his wife. He could say the kind of comment that could end his girlfriend’s interest in the side, despite their arrangement for her to date him as a married man. And in as much as he could replace her with another concubine, his voice was recognisable. There is no telling how far that would go now that he was recorded on air, or the number of versions of his comments are out there. 

Depending on that man’s comment, for example, he could affect the in-laws who identified that conversation that was recorded on air. How would they react to those comments? What about the case where a man is informed that his wife or ex-wife has made some comments in a conversation that has been recorded on air? For those who identify with her and are close to her husband, such as the in-laws, what are the implications of future dynamics in the family gatherings? How would the man approach co-parenting knowing the comments that were made on air if it were the case of a bitter ex-wife? His family and friends would definitely have words, but consider the environment in the office from that day, if all it gets that bad. 

This is not merely an issue of sharing and oversharing on air. This is a case where people have to be careful of their choice of words. And it wouldn’t hurt to simply remain silent when the implications are unpredictable once words are on record. At the very least, in the case of writing comments online, there is a kind of anonymity the users can enjoy if they present themselves a certain way online. But you can’t fake a voice and some comments open a can of worms, more so when the caller is easily distinguishable. Something like the use of language, which can be easily downplayed by the caller, can lead to adverse consequences. 

Let me give an example, but not limited to this particular context. You have a male boss and you’re a female subordinate in a company. The topic is office romance, and your boss has been a little too friendly recently after recognising your effort at work. But you don’t really want to be your boss’s friend. In your infinite wisdom, for reasons known to you, you decide to call in and give your sentiments. I mean, it’s just talking, right? It’s not like you’re saying anything about your boss’s friendliness. When you enter the office, your workmate slides in a comment about the workplace environment, with an opinion about how some women may reciprocate friendliness from their superiors to climb up the ladder. She knows. 

From that day, according to your boss, you can’t get anything right at work, on any project. Everything you say is scrutinised. Even the fact that you are both breathing in the same room in board meetings visibly irks him. But he can’t fire you outright because you’re a good worker. So he’s going to have to witch-hunt you. How secure do you feel about your future in that office now? If you could rewind to that moment before you dialled the station, what would you do? 

No one is invalidating your opinion. You may be within your rights to articulate yourself. But there is a time and place for such conversations, especially when you have burning issues to discuss in depth. Trust issues are natural in the face of anxiety surrounding therapy. But the qualified counsellor is bound to give you a comprehensive response. The show would be a choice but that simply makes sales for the show, while you remain with your personal problems that pressed you to participate that day or any other day. But what was your solution? Did you resolve your grievances? Or will you continue to comment without any concrete solutions or strategies to change your current discomfort?

Therapy offers you long-lasting solutions. It enables you with coping mechanisms to navigate future struggles. It empowers you through personal development and promotes self-awareness. You will learn to interact with people differently because you will begin to understand why people are the way they are a little more than how clueless you were when you entered the session. Your perspective will change and adjust to the reality you face positively. The quality of your relationships will improve because so will your style of communication. You will learn how to talk to different people in differents ways to attain a more desirable outcome. And Kenyans will never have to know what happened to you. 

Perhaps it’s because some Kenyans don’t realise that counsellors and psychologists are present. But for the sceptics, the only thing they have to fear is fear itself. If a practitioner has dedicated their life and career to cater to your personal needs, what are you waiting for? Kenyan therapists are humans just like you. Besides the usual expertise, they identify with your personal struggles because they are not immune to the harshness of life. The only difference is that therapists use the lens of their training to empower them to navigate their life experiences. And as a layman, you could use their support. They can tailor those private discussions around solutions that work just for you, giving you unique perspectives the host on air, and other citizens would be completely blind to. 

You should now be asking yourself, whether you dare to walk into that room to know a little more about who you are and how you plan to change your life. Kenyans hate change. But humans are the most adaptable to change, which is why our intellect surpasses many creatures on the planet. Fear of change is merely a perception that seems like blockages but once you receive an informed opinion, the blockages break down slowly but surely. 

Every therapist has their own set prices, so you can always get the right kind of therapist according to your budget. And the list of options is endless if you find them all over the internet or through recommendations. Social media has come a long way in making a therapist easily accessible to you. More power to you if you know someone who may be in that field, even through a mutual friend. Mental health is just as important as physical health. When the mental health declines, it has a way of affecting your overall wellbeing. It starts to show in the form of depression, lower immunity, susceptibility to illnesses, and lower productivity, the list is endless. Because the mind is a powerful thing. In the same manner, you seek medical advice to heal your body, the brain also has its own health to be considered, and so too does the mind. The consultation you would pay a health specialist is more expensive than a session with a therapist by maybe half depending on your choice of therapist. If your health specialist charges about 4000 shillings, you can get a therapist for about 2000 shillings. That’s value for money. What do you have to lose? 

The next time you unlock your phone, all you have to do is dial a different number. And the response with a therapist on the other end of the line would be a pleasant surprise. You’ll thank me later.