They Didn’t Want Me for My Complexion, But Allah Elevated My Worth

When Auma was born, this baby girl was welcomed with great joy and ululations. Her mother had tried so hard to have children and had nearly died while giving birth to her. She resembled her mother greatly and inherited her beauty. However, when she was young, her older sister received more attention because of her fair skin. Auma was dark-skinned, and the family believed her sister was the beautiful one. The truth, however, is that both were created differently by God in His infinite wisdom.

As Auma entered adolescence, she began to feel a difference. She started noticing boys—and she, too, at times began to be noticed and become popular. When she joined university, she began her first relationship. What troubled her deeply was how much more attention the light-skinned girls were receiving. Light-skinned girls were widely recognised as more beautiful. How many times had she been overlooked by men simply because she was dark-skinned, even though she too was beautiful? She cannot count. She tried, at times, to value herself and build her confidence. But the persistent questioning in her mind lingered and affected her.

Her story is real, and many dark-skinned girls can relate to experiencing such pain. Colourism has increased in Kenya and among people of African descent. It can sow doubt in the hearts of black girls—even mature women. Men often cannot help but have preferences when choosing a woman. Those who do not fit these preferences are cast aside. The result is animosity among women. It can foster jealousy, and the consequence is resentment. How many have had their husbands taken from them because of skin colour? How many have missed out on marriage because of it? How many have been betrayed by their husbands simply because men view black women as temporary, while the 'real' wife must be light-skinned?

“Internalised racism occurs when a member of a stigmatised group begins to believe or accept the negative stereotypes about themselves.”
— Dr Beverly Tatum, Clinical Psychologist.

“Self-esteem relies heavily on how we perceive ourselves and how we believe others perceive us.”
— Carl Rogers, Humanistic Psychologist.

“Many black women are not only fighting racism, but also a long history of being denied the right to see themselves as beautiful.”
— Maya Angelou (poet and activist), from the perspective of social psychology.

“A child growing up in a context of prejudice learns that their differences are weaknesses, rather than strengths.”
— Dr Kenneth Clark, psychologist who contributed evidence on the effects of racism in education.

There are beautiful women of every kind. But through Western media, a certain notion has taken root in society—that the ideal woman is white, and that black women ought to be questioned and set aside, because men are conditioned from a young age to think this way. They are encouraged to believe that black women are not as valuable as white ones. Yet when they marry white women, one of their children might be dark-skinned if the man’s lineage includes African ancestry. If that child is a girl, she may turn out dark, due to the presence of black ancestors. That girl will face her own set of challenges when it comes to relationships. So how will colourism ever end?

Colourism stems from the history of racism and colonialism, when Africans were oppressed and whites dominated the black race. When white men raped African women, they bore children with lighter skin who resembled whites. These children were kept indoors because they had a more "pleasing" skin tone by colonial standards. They were favoured, and the outcome was the deepening of division among black people. Wherever you go in the world where black people are present, colourism is a struggle—from ancient times to today.

Examples from Kenyan Youth

1. The skin bleaching trend among some girls in Kenya is a sign of the hidden impacts of racism.
   Women believe that lighter skin is more attractive, increases chances of marriage, or even brings social success.

For example, public figures begin to be known and elevate their status through these trends. Young artists in particular compete in the blended space of musicians and actors. They believe that in order to be selected for roles, they must change their complexion and submit to certain aesthetic standards to remain relevant.

2. Online dating and the rejection of dark-skinned women by African men – There is evidence on Twitter and TikTok where some Kenyan women are blatantly ignored or ridiculed by men due to their skin colour or natural hair.

The pain that arises from this leads some to bleach their skin, rooted in a lack of self-confidence and self-worth.

3. Online beauty contests such as “slay queens” or “light skin vs dark skin” – These contribute to the belief that dark-skinned girls are not beautiful enough, significantly affecting their self-esteem.

How to Build Confidence and Self-Worth in the Face of Colourism – A Psychological and Islamic Perspective

1. Acknowledge: Racism does not diminish your worth – you are a being of dignity

In psychology, we understand that a person forms their self-image from the perceptions of those around them. Colourism deeply affects black girls, as they are told or made to feel they are inferior. But in Islam, Allah clearly tells us:

“Indeed, We created man in the best of forms.”
(Qur'an 95:4 – Surah At-Tīn)

And again, Allah has not distinguished us by skin, but by our piety:

“Indeed, the most honourable of you in the sight of Allah is the most God-conscious.”
(Qur'an 49:13 – Surah Al-Ḥujurāt)

This teaches us that neither skin tone, origin, nor ethnicity is the measure of a human being's worth.

2. Confidence begins with knowing that you are a servant of Allah – not an object for others’ eyes

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

“Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and deeds.”
(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564)

Psychology also emphasises that a mentally healthy person seeks validation of their self-worth from within—not from external sources. This aligns perfectly with Islam, in which it is Allah who grants one honour, not other people.

3. Do not fear your differences – Allah created them with purpose

The Qur'an teaches us that differences in language, colour, and nations are signs of Allah’s greatness:

“And among His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your tongues and colours. Indeed in this are signs for those who know.”
(Qur'an 30:22 – Surah Ar-Rūm)

This verse provides a powerful foundation for a young girl to understand that her complexion is not a flaw, but a unique sign of divine creation. There is no such thing as an “ugly” colour in the sight of Allah – all are part of nature’s beauty.

 

4. Social support and gender-based solidarity: Female Companions as role models

In Islamic history, we have examples of black women who were close to the Prophet (peace be upon him), such as:

Umm Ayman (Barakah) – the first black Muslim woman who raised the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet said:

“She is a woman of Paradise.”
(Sunan Ibn Mājah)

We also have Bilal bin Rabah, a black man from Abyssinia, who was given the great honour of being the Prophet’s muezzin. This shows that Islam never considered skin colour as a criterion for honour or capability.

For a Kiswahili-speaking girl, it is essential to understand that her religion abolished the concept of racial discrimination long before social science ever addressed it.

5. Build a foundation of confidence through worship and dhikr – it is therapy for the soul

In Islamic psychology, one of the cures for sadness and self-deprecation is the remembrance of Allah (dhikr). The Qur’an states:

“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”
(Qur’an 13:28 – Surah Ar-Ra’d)

When a girl learns to depend on Allah to affirm her worth, she learns not to measure her beauty through the world’s mirror, but through the lens of the Qur'an.

6. Develop a religious identity that transcends outward appearance

Islam creates a deep, internal "identity" for the believer. A young girl should be taught:

I am a Muslim before I am black or white.

I am a servant of Allah, not a slave to people’s opinions.

I am the choice of the Creator, not the error of history.

The Prophet (SAW) said:

“Whoever is truly modest before Allah will safeguard his soul and intellect, and will remember death and the Hereafter.”
(Tirmidhi, authentic Hadith)

 7. Do not forget to forgive those who hurt you – for the sake of your own peace

In Islamic psychology, forgiveness is a healing balm for the soul – not merely for the one who seeks it, but especially for the one who offers it. The Qur’an teaches us:

“Pardon them, for indeed Allah loves those who pardon.”
(Qur’an 24:22)

The silence, shame, and sorrow caused by discrimination can be transformed into spiritual strength when you learn to say:

“I have been hurt, but I will forgive for the sake of Allah – and I shall rebuild my life in His name.”

Conclusion: Self-confidence is a form of worship in a soul that knows its worth before its Creator

For a girl who endures racial discrimination, self-confidence is not a luxury – it is an inner jihad. It is the struggle to affirm:

“Allah created me with intention – and I have no reason to hide or belittle myself.”

From an Islamic and scientific perspective, self-confidence is about self-awareness, self-acceptance, and living with purpose – while making Allah the ultimate measure of your worth.